WRATH OF THE TITANS: Being Half Human Makes You Stronger Than a God

Wrath of the Titans (2012) – Directed by Jonathan Liebesman – Starring Sam Worthington, Rosamund Pike, Édgar Ramírez, Toby Kebbell, Danny Huston, Ralph Fiennes, Liam Neeson, Bill Nighy, and Bubo (for about ten seconds). Giving credit where credit is due, WRATH OF THE TITANS addresses one of my biggest problems with its predecessor, Louis Leterrier’s…

YOUR HIGHNESS: I Will Probably Die On This Quest

Your Highness (2011; Unrated Version) – Directed by David Gordon Green – Starring Danny McBride, James Franco, Natalie Portman, Justin Theroux, Zooey Deschanel, Toby Jones, Rasmus Hardiker, Charles Dance, and Damian Lewis. It would be wrong to say that YOUR HIGHNESS is disappointing because, as it so clearly advertises, it’s made by the people who…

THE TROLL HUNTER: Norway Has Trolls, That’s Just the Way It Is

The Troll Hunter (2010) – Directed by André Øvredal – Starring Otto Jespersen, Hans Morten Hansen, Tomas Alf Larsen, Johanna Mørck, Knut Nærum, Robert Stoltenberg, and Glenn Erland Tosterud. It’s amazing to me sometimes the amount of words that I want to write about on a given movie. I really dig TROLLHUNTER, or TROLL HUNTER,…

THE SORCERER’S APPRENTICE: Counter Programming My Brain Did Not Work

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (2010) – Directed by Jon Turtletaub – Starring Nicholas Cage, Jay Baruchel, Alfred Molina, Teresa Palmer, Toby Kebbell, Alice Krige, and Monica Bellucci. Straight up – this movie didn’t have much of a chance with me, so feel free to completely disregard anything that follows, if you’re so inclined. I think Nicholas…

HAWK THE SLAYER: I Would Rather Eat Cow Dung

Hawk the Slayer (1980) – Directed by Terry Marcel – Starring John Terry, Jack Palance, Bernard Bresslaw, Ray Charleson, Peter O’Farrell, Morgan Shepherd, Patricia Quinn, and Patrick Magee. HAWK THE SLAYER is a piece of crap, but it’s the kind of piece of crap that gets people to say things like, “It’s so bad it’s…

ALICE IN WONDERLAND: Alice Among the Assh*les

Alice in Wonderland (2010) – Directed by Tim Burton – Starring Mia Wasikowska, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Crispin Glover, Matt Lucas, and Anne Hathaway; Featuring the Voices of Stephen Fry, Alan Rickman, Michael Sheen, Barbara Windsor, Timothy Spall, and Christopher Lee. Every movie has a message, whether it wants to have one or not.…