Beautiful Creatures Poster

BEAUTIFUL CREATURES: Claim Yourself

Beautiful Creatures (2013) – Directed by Richard LaGravenese – Starring Alden Ehrenreich, Alice Englert, Jeremy Irons, Viola Davis, Emmy Rossum, Thomas Mann, Margo Martindale, Eileen Atkins, Zoey Deutch, Tiffany Boone, and Emma Thompson. If critics were as upset about the success of the teenage supernatural romance drama as they are the superhero genre, a movie…

Maleficent Poster

MALEFICENT: Curious Little Beasty

Maleficent (2014) – Directed by Robert Stromberg – Starring Angelina Jolie, Sharlto Copley, Elle Fanning, Sam Riley, Imelda Staunton, Juno Temple, Lesley Manville, Ella Purnell, and Brenton Thwaites. When I reviewed Oz: The Great and Powerful, I expressed that I was having a bit of rehash fatigue, but in hindsight my dislike for that movie…

47 Ronin

47 RONIN: I See Only Samurai Before Me

47 Ronin (2013) – Directed by Carl Rinsch – Starring Keanu Reeves, Hiroyuki Sanada, Kou Shibasaki, Tadanobu Asano, Rinko Kikuchi, Min Tanaka, Jin Akanishi, Masayoshi Haneda, and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa. If you’re going to spend $200 million to make a movie, maybe you should hire someone who’s directed a movie before. There are far more problems…

Chris Hemsworth The Dark World

THOR: THE DARK WORLD: Trust My Rage

Thor: The Dark World (2013) – The 8th Marvel Cinematic Universe Film – Directed by Alan Taylor – Starring Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins, Stellan Skarsgård, Idris Elba, Christopher Eccleston, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Jaimie Alexander, Kat Dennings, Ray Stevenson, Zachary Levi, Tadanobu Asano, Rene Russo, Alice Krige, Chris O’Dowd, Benicio del Toro, Ophelia…

300 Rise of an Empire

300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE: Dance Across the Backs of Dead Greeks

300: Rise of an Empire (2014) – Directed by Noam Murro – Starring Sullivan Stapleton, Eva Green, Lena Headey, Rodrigo Santoro, Hans Matheson, David Wenham, Callan Mulvey, Jack O’Connell, Yigal Naor, Michael Fassbender, Peter Mensah, and Gerard Butler. Is the world too complicated for you? Do you pine for the simplicity of a past age…

Desolation of Smaug

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG: You Have Nice Manners for a Thief

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013) – Directed by Peter Jackson – Starring Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen, Richard Armitage, Benedict Cumberbatch, Evangeline Lilly, Lee Pace, Luke Evans, Graham McTavish, Aidan Turner, Ken O’Gorman, Ken Stott, James Nesbitt, Mark Hadlow, Jed Brophy, Adam Brown, John Callen, Peter Hambleton, William Kircher, Stephen Hunter, Cate Blanchett, Sylvester…

Mirror Mirror

MIRROR MIRROR: Snow Would Have to Fall

Mirror Mirror (2012) – Directed by Tarsem Singh – Starring Lily Collins, Julia Roberts, Armie Hammer, Danny Woodburn, Martin Klebba, Sebastian Saraceno, Jordan Prentice, Mark Povinelli Joe Gnoffo, Ronald Lee Clark, Lisa Roberts Gillan, Nathan Lane, Mare Winningham, Michael Lerner, Sean Bean, and Frank Welker. I love MIRROR MIRROR. Tarsem Singh’s style-over-substance retelling of the…

Rapture-Palooza

RAPTURE-PALOOZA: You Want Some, Happy Meal?

Rapture-Palooza (2013) – Directed by Paul Middleditch – Starring Anna Kendrick, Craig Robinson, Ken Jeong, John Francis Daley, Rob Corddry, John Michael Higgins, Ana Gasteyer, Rob Heubel, Calum Worthy, and Thomas Lennon. Craig Robinson. Anna Kendrick. What could go wrong? Yeah. For the first 10 minutes or so, RAPTURE-PALOOZA (what is this, 1993?) works for…

Percy Jackson Sea of Monsters

PERCY JACKSON: SEA OF MONSTERS: At Least There’s No Line

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013) – Directed by Thor Freudenthal – Starring Logan Lerman, Brandon T. Jackson, Alexandra Daddario, Douglas Smith, Leven Rambin, Jake Abel, Stanley Tucci, Anthony Stewart Head, Nathan Fillion, Octavia Spencer, Craig Robinson, and Robert Knepper. I haven’t read the Percy Jackson books but I did see the first movie, THE…

Smurfs 2

THE SMURFS 2: What Matters Is Who You Choose To Be

The Smurfs 2 (2013) – Directed by Raja Gosnell – Starring Neil Patrick Harris, Brendan Gleeson, Jayma Mays, Katy Perry, Hank Azaria, Jonathan Winters, George Lopez, Anton Yelchin, John Oliver, Fred Armisen, Christina Ricci, J.B. Smoove, Alan Cumming, Mario Lopez, Jimmy Kimmel, Tom Kane, Paul Reubens, B.J. Novak, Shaquille O’Neal, Shaun White, Jeff Foxworthy, Kenan…

MORTAL KOMBAT: REBIRTH and LEGACY: (Almost) Flawless Victory

Mortal Kombat: Legacy (2011) – Directed by Ken Tancharoen – Starring Michael Jai White, Jeri Ryan, Lateef Crowder, Darren Shahlavi, Tahmoh Penikett, Matt Mullins, Sam Tjhia, Jolene Tran, Ryan Robbins, Ian Anthony Dale, Kevan Ohtsji, Shane Warren Jones, Peter Shinkoda, Kirby Morrow, Erica Cerra, and Tracy Spiridakos. Conceived by Ken Tancharoen, MORTAL KOMBAT: REBIRTH is…

BRAVE: I’ll Be Shooting for My Own Hand

Brave (2012) – The 13th Pixar Animated Feature – Directed by Mark Andrews and Brenda Chapman – Starring Kelly Macdonald, Julie Walters, Billy Connolly, Emma Thompson, Kevin McKidd, Craig Ferguson, Robbie Coltrane, and John Ratzenberger. In seemingly every conversation I’ve had about BRAVE over the past few months, or in things I’ve heard people say…

RED SONJA: I Will Tell the Future in Your Entrails, Red Woman!

Red Sonja (1985) – Directed by Richard Fleischer – Starring Brigitte Nielsen, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sandahl Bergman, Paul L. Smith, Ernie Reyes, Jr., Ronald Lacey, and Pat Roach. Arnold Schwarzenegger has called RED SONJA the worst movie he’s been in, and joked that when his kids are bad, he punishes them by making them watch this…