Michael Bay

In Defense of Michael Bay Movies

Before heading to the theaters to see TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION, I wanted to watch the first three Michael Bay TRANSFORMERS movies to see if I still felt the way I did upon watching them the first time: I loved the first one, hated the second one, and thought the third was okay. I watched…

Escape Plan Quad Poster

ESCAPE PLAN: You Hit Like a Vegetarian

Escape Plan (2013) – Directed by Mikael Håfström – Starring Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jim Caviezel, Vinnie Jones, Vincent D’Onofrio, Amy Ryan, Sam Neill, and Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson. It’s fascinating watching our ’80s and ’90s action heroes age. Bruce Willis has turned minimalist, his characters becoming more interior, as if what age has sapped…

Stolen

STOLEN: Love Makes Time Pass, and Time Is Certain to Make Love Pass

Stolen (2012) – Directed by Simon West – Starring Nicolas Cage, Josh Lucas, Malin Akerman, M.C. Gainey, Sami Gayle, Danny Huston, and Mark Valley. There are two basic Nic Cage movies – there’s his increasingly infrequent big budget, Hollywood projects (it’s been four years since you didn’t see Sorcerer’s Apprentice in the theaters), and his…

The Last Stand

THE LAST STAND: Look at That Squirrel in His Big Motherf*cker Hat

The Last Stand (2013) – Directed by Kim Jee-woon – Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Forest Whitaker, Johnny Knoxville, Rodrigo Santoro, Jaimie Alexander, Luis Guzmán, Eduardo Noriega, Peter Stormare, Zach Gilford, Génesis Rodríguez, and Harry Dean Stanton. I don’t remember the writer or even the movies he was talking about, but somewhere back 15 years ago or…

Shelby GT500 Super Snake Mustang

GETAWAY: I Want My Wife Back

Getaway (2013) – Directed by Courtney Solomon – Starring Ethan Hawke, Selena Gomez, Jon Voight, and Rebecca Budig. Several weeks ago now, I had plans to do incredibly deep and focused reviews and individual character reactions to the six STAR WARS movies. Obviously, that hasn’t happened, and it’s been largely due to two reasons: One,…

In Defense of Honoring Paul Walker

I don’t like to post retrospectives or remembrances or recollections about celebrities in the wake of a death. There are times when I’ve done it, but there’s something seedy about it that makes me uncomfortable: a celebrity dies, a website posts a bunch of stuff about the movies they were in, a website sees their…

RED 2: No Excuses. You’re Better Than This.

RED 2 (2013) – Directed by Dean Parisot – Starring Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Mary-Louise Parker, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Lee Byung-hun, Anthony Hopkins, Helen Mirren, Brian Cox, David Thewlis, Neal McDonough, and Titus Welliver. Welcome to the Odd Case of RED 2, a movie that manages to be both disappointing and entertaining all at the same…

R.I.P.D.: It’s Time to Get Your Snowman On. Get Frosty.

R.I.P.D. (2013) – Directed by Robert Schwentke – Starring Jeff Bridges, Ryan Reynolds, Kevin Bacon, Mary-Louise Parker, Stephanie Szostak, James Hong, Marissa Miller, and Mike O’Malley. I kinda love R.I.P.D. Sure, it’s stupid and loud and derivative and childish, but it’s also pretty freaking hilarious. Well, Jeff Bridges is pretty freaking hilarious and the rest…

A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD: We’re Not a Hugging Family

A Good Day to Die Hard (2013) – Directed by John Moore – Starring Bruce Willis, Jai Courtney, Sebastian Koch, Yuliya Snigir, Radivoje Bukvić, Pavel Lychnikoff, Cole Hauser, and Mary Elizabeth Winstead. With A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD, the Die Hard franchise has now made more movies that aren’t Die Hard movies than are…

WORLD WAR Z: The Summer’s Dreariest Film

World War Z (2013) – Directed by Marc Forster – Starring Brad Pitt, Mireille Enos, James Badge Dale, Fana Mokoena, Daniela Kertesz, David Morse, and Matthew Fox. WORLD WAR Z is an offensively bad piece of cinematic nonsense, an action/horror movie made by people who think they’re too good to make an action/horror movie, yet…

OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN vs. WHITE HOUSE DOWN

Olympus Has Fallen (2013) – Directed by Antoine Fuqua – Starring Gerard Butler, Aaron Eckhart, Morgan Freeman, Angela Bassett, Robert Forster, Cole Hauser, Finley Jacobsen, Melissa Leo, Dylan McDermott, Radha Mitchell, Rick Yune, and Ashley Judd. White House Down (2013) – Directed by Roland Emmerich – Starring Channing Tatum, Jamie Foxx, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jason Clarke,…

THE LONE RANGER: Something Very Wrong with That Horse

The Lone Ranger (2013) – Directed by Gore Verbinski – Starring Johnny Depp, Armie Hammer, Tom Wilkinson, William Fichtner, Barry Pepper, Ruth Wilson, James Badge Dale, Helena Bonham Carter, Mason Cook, Saginaw Grant, and Stephen Grant. If you’re new here, be aware that SPOILERS LIE BEYOND THIS POINT. I’m liable to talk about anything and…

HARD TARGET: Good Whiskey Make Jackrabbit Slap De Bear!

Hard Target (1993) – Directed by John Woo – Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Yancy Butler, Lance Henriksen, Arnold Vosloo, Kasi Lemmons, Chuck, Pfarrer, and Wilford Brimley. I love this movie. HARD TARGET is pretty much the perfect B-movie action film. There’s an insanely talented director teaming up with a solid action star in an easy-to-follow…

WHERE EAGLES DARE: We Mustn’t Cheat the Hangman

Where Eagles Dare (1968) – Directed by Brian G. Hutton – Starring Richard Burton, Clint Eastwood, Mary Ure, Patrick Wymark, Michael Hordern, Robert Beatty, and Ingrid Pitt. Let me say this right at the start so there’s no confusion: WHERE EAGLES DARE is a very, very good movie, boasting a phenomenal performance by Richard Burton…